Saturday, 01 May 2010

  • The two most painful words I ever heard . . .

    The two most painful words I ever heard were, "I do."  The reason it sliced me open and left me raw was because they weren't said to me.  Sometimes I'm afraid I will never love anyone that way again.  I can care.  I can have beautiful moments with wonderful people but I want to feel high.  I want to feel like each moment is the one to end all moments.  I want to be sitting in the residence hall six years ago and be kissed like that again.  I want to feel that way.  I am terrified sometimes.

Thursday, 06 August 2009

  • What was the most surreal, movie-like experience that you've ever had?

    I drove up to Clarinda to see a school and Michael met me there for lunch.  He had to drive about two hours to get there.  I walked into the little Mexican restaurant and I waited and waited.  I faked having a cell phone to check to see if he was waiting in his car somewhere.  I waited twenty minutes or so before ordering.  Just as my food was served, he walked in the door.

    My heart just about stopped beating.  I was flushed and nervous and completely in love just as I had been the two years before.  We hadn't actually seen each other since April 2007.   

    We chatted, finished our lunch and then drove around the small town of Clarinda.  It was a beautiful sunshine filled day.  Michael and I toured the town's historical society museum.  Then, we took a walk around the square.  

    We searched and searched for a park bench, but wound up sitting on the steps of the First Christian Church.  It was there that he took my hand, pulled me to him and we kissed.  It was positively like a dream.  I looked at him and said, "Will we always be this way?"

       

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Wednesday, 05 August 2009

  • Reasons I should fall for Adam . . . and why I can't.

    Reasons I should:

    1) He answers my phone calls AND he calls me back.

    2)  He's witty and can be quite charming when he's not trying to be an asshole.

    3) He reads.  Perhaps, we don't have the same taste, but he does read.

    4) He even tried to read Twilight.  Granted, he didn't make it past the first chapter and was irreversibly scarred . . . that's beside the point!

    5) He lets me come over, basically whenever I want to.  No questions asked, there you have it.

    6) He's there for me, and has promised to let me cry on the couch when Michael breaks my heart.

    7) He's funny.

    8) He bought me a Coke.

    9) He as excellent taste in films.

    10) He has a decent job.

    11)  So far, I like his family.

    Why I can't:

    1) I'm completely head over heels twitterpated or whatever with Michael.  I'm damned infatuated.

    2) Attempting to date him would be like attempting to date Ron, sure the guy is wonderful but it just doesn't feel right.  It would be odd.

    3) He doesn't believe in a higher power at all.  I could deal with someone who believes in a god, but I would get frustrated eventually with someone who doesn't. 

    4) I'm just not sexually attracted to him.  It's not his looks; it's just a fact.  My friend Phil is def in the category of sexy and I'm not sexually attracted to him either.

    I know that there are more reasons for Adam than against him.  This is to his credit.  However, the reasons against pretty much break the deal.  So, even though he calls me "dearest," I simply can do more than entertain these crazy notions inside my mind.

  • The only man I ever tried to steal

    Was Andy.  That was the first and the last.  Somehow this is way too difficult for certain women to believe.  Take Tiffney, for instance, she not only believes that it was in the works for me to steal her man but that he actually cheated on her.  Erik maybe be arrogant, but he's not a cheater.  He is entirely too self-righteous for that. 

    It really gets my goat, though.  It was some kind of torture to try not to touch him or flirt with him, when I was totally digging on Erik.  I succeeded in the former, but not in the latter.  I assure you it was unintentional; when you're into somebody, it just happens.  I do have SOME sort of honor.

    It's a crying shame that it ended with Erik.  Really.  Yes, it was actually a good thintg that we broke up;  we were not exactly compatible.  He was just a bit too uptight for me, and in the end, he was just looking for an excuse to make me cry.  The shame is that I had to ruin a friendship over our stupid relationship.  Strike that, make it two friendships.  Erik was a much better friend than a boyfriend.  I'm totally disenchanted with him now that I've seen his true colors.

    Blast.  Blast. Blast. 

    Oh well, life will be new in Omaha.  Hooray!

    Coming soon: Reasons I should fall in love with Adam and why I can't.

Tuesday, 04 August 2009

  • Murder Must be Easier

    Well, I have never once heard someone complain about how difficult it was to commit a murder.  I've read plenty of mysteries and watched my fair share of Murder, She Wrote.  In addition, I have seen about a jillion Hitchcock films, in which murders occurred.  Granted, these are fictional, but I can't help thinking that committing murder must be easier than getting a man to stay with you.

    I don't know how all those married folks manage it.  I'm having a difficult enough time just getting "Mr. Right-Now" to call me back.  It is all fine as frog's hair when it's convenient for him, but when I need some nookie . . . I'm busy, I need sleep, I have to work.  Blah, blah, blah.  We're not even together, yet, and it's like pulling fucking teeth. 

    My friends advice amounts to the "There is more fish in the sea," equivalent.  Just as an old fisherman wouldn't give up on THE BIG FISH or some chic city gal wouldn't give up until she had that darling new Prada bag,  I don't intend to give up on the object of my desire.  He may be an asshole, but he's got the goods.  Trust me, when we get together, it's the living end. 

    So, to sum it up.  I can bitch and moan all that I want to.  The status quo will remain as such until the elements align just perfectly or some such nonsense.  I'll be I'm a crackerjack conspirator just waiting to happen.  The trouble is I spend entirely too much time thinking about Michael, who incidentally has to work.


May1103

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